This is a English version of my blog post;
『思考は現実化する』が本当かを突き詰めるため、仕事にも出ずに9年も真理探求をした結果、、、、『信じる力』が生まれ、神秘体験が繰り返されるようになった話 vol.9 『葛藤の日々』
Why Am I Doing This…Can’t Get Rid Of My Doubt
Even though I had much successes with my experiments which amazed me at times, I still had much doubt and sense of anxiety, even suspicion. These feelings were spinning around in my head. There were many that got the good results but it wasn’t 100%. It was frustrating to me that the fact was I couldn’t do it perfectly as I desired. My focus was locked on to just one thing, that is to succeed my experiment, “Thoughts Become Reality”.
I’d Be Glad To Give My Life If I Find The Truth!!
*A lot has gone through my mind; Still I have no decisive proof after all these experiment so far.
* Should I continue this path without any result? On the contrary I should continue as I started out with desperate passion. I must! But wait, I should give it a time limit..I need to sustain income to live.
There were some people who thought I was isolated from society for 9 years. Let me explain now.
I’m quite outgoing and sociable. I easily mingle with people and play basketball or badminton for the first time we met. And I had traveled the world, Europe, Asia, South America and Oceania before.
Even after my children were born I continued playing basketball along with raising kids and cooking and pursuing the truth. There was so much I wanted to try. And my desire to find the answer became increasingly strong and I earnestly thought I could die for it. By this time spirituality was far more important than the so-called “reality” in front of me. Of course it’s not that I actually wanted to die. “Death” was to me the existence without the physical body.
So my struggles ensued along with conflicts and feverish desire for the truth. This inner conflict continued for at least 2 years..
Difficult To Prove But It’s Harder To Reject
8 years have passed since I quit my job. Another 5 years since I began my quest. Isn’t it funny that I kept looking for the truth for such a long time? One time as I was searching for the answer as usual my perspective began to change as I meditated. “Is it possible to live by controlling the reality with my mental power?” This was one topic I could not get the answer.
My desire to know the truth, a clear answer with so much passion had just softened. And I thought in my head..there’s no need to have a clear cut answer? My heart lightened and somehow I felt the sense of entrusting my heart without the desperation. It is already proven that your mind reflects the reality. If it’s impossible to prove it but on the other hand it is even more impossible to reject it. “It does not matter anymore whether I’m right or wrong. It is not a waste to have this idea! I can live my life in Love because of this knowledge.
I will go my way. This moment my heart finally lightened up. Yes, I decided to act on my knowledge rather than searching for answers. And I visualize what I hoped to happen. This was a huge change.
It was very tough to go through with struggles and conflicts for such a long time. I just wanted to do it and had to do it. In looking back I am grateful for that experience. Oh such struggles and misery, but I am happy that I have done it. Because of that hardship my past experience had turned to something more exciting later on. [* I was happy I was given this experience to resolve the problem even though it was tough. I gained peace that’s beyond worries and anxieties.
I’d like to tell my story through this place called “Beyond Natural School” – the activities I carry out with people here was based on my personal experience.
The change of my own perspective must be the reason for the frequent miraculous happenings from then on. So I must say that your emotion you get from that phenomenon changes drastically when that happens. And when the change occurs the phenomenon in front of you changes.
1. Your ideal would be tested. You have to try whatever you want!
2. You’d be glad you had struggles
3. It’s fun because it’s not easy